Alicekai'd 1.37: PYT

 

     I've finally done it. I completed my degree.

 

     With all the excitement of 'will we/won't we' going on, the end of term just sort of faded into the background. Geoff is thrilled. I think it's lame that he's unable to go to the ceremony, though.

     Carlie is at home with a sitter, and Geoff asks me if I want to head off to the courthouse. Yes!

     We leave hand-in-hand, but by the time we make it to Tartosa, his mood sours significantly.

 

     Before we can make it to the steps, he pulls me back. "Hold on a minute."

     So I AM going to get to hear what his deal is. "Okay, what is your problem?"

     "Are you sure we're doing the right thing here?"

     "What are you talking about? We've been through this. Are you getting cold feet?"

 

 

     He sighs. "Alice, the entire time we've been together, I've been telling you you're worth the wait, and now, I'm saying the opposite." He watches me as that sinks in.

     I look down. "So you're saying you don't want to." Is he looking for a way to back out of this? To find an easier way to gently get The Britechester Hussy out of his life?

     "Before you go and jump to conclusions, just think for a minute. Why are we doing this now versus waiting until the planned date for the ceremony?"

     "You're having second thoughts, and this way, you have more time to-" I stop when he takes my hands.

     "Stop it. That's not what I'm saying AT ALL." He takes a deep breath. "I didn't want to put it this way because I didn't want to mention it, but I keep having something Malcolm said go through my mind."

     "Oh." I pull my hands away. "You HAVE changed your mind." I stare at the pavement cracks.

     "NO." He lets out a huff. "Dammit, Alice, listen to me. My son made the despicable comment that all I wanted was some pretty, young thing to warm my bed at night." I glance at him for just a second. His eyes squint, and his lips pinch together for a moment. "That... infuriates me." He moves his head around and down to get back in my line of vision. "You mean so much more than that. I worry that if we go to the courthouse today, it means that I couldn't wait, that I'm more interested in climbing into bed with you than just being with you." He holds my face. "Do you understand?"

     I look into his sad eyes. "So this means we're not getting married today?"

     He gives me a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Right, because I don't want to send that kind of a message." He kisses me quickly and pulls back. "It's not because I don't want to."

     I let out a huff. "I wish I didn't pick a date that's so damn far away."

     "We'll make it." Then he really kisses me.

     Dammit. I really wanted to get married today. I really wanted to go to Sulani right now and have weeks of uninterrupted Geoffrey time. I want that NOW, but... I can see his point. 

     I guess we just keep on waiting.

 

     There's just one little snag: Mark. As far as he knows, he's getting Carlie for weeks. Now, I have to tell him he has to wait. I decide to go ahead and bring her by as scheduled, but I'm not looking forward to this conversation.

 

     I didn't need to pack any bags for Carlie. Mark told me he's happily bought all kinds of stuff. He bought her a crib so that he no longer has to use the pack-n-play.

     He's not going to like this.

     "Hi." His expression already shows he's not happy. Does he sense something amiss? "You're late." Oh.

     "Sorry." I pause. "Could we talk?"

     He gives me a 'whatever' look. "Yeah, sure. Come on in."

     Once I step inside, I hand him his daughter. That brightens his mood considerably.

     "Daddy's little Carlie," he says with a sweet smile. He kisses her forehead and starts rocking her. She quickly falls asleep.

     Mark is a totally different person around his daughter, so different from the man I've had to work with on set. He reminds me of how he used to be with me... before I hurt him.

     He catches me staring at him.

     "I'm glad she got your hair color," he tells me.

     What do I say to that? "I need to talk to you."

     "So you said. What about?" He rocks our daughter and smiles.

     "Geoff and I didn't get married today."

     He pauses in his rocking. "Trouble in paradise?" As I try to figure out how to answer that without sounding like a bitch, he continues, "Are you okay?"

     "Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

     Carlie starts fussing. Mark stands up. "I'm going to go put her in her bed. Don't go anywhere."

     "Fine." I dutifully sit and wait, trying not to bring up memories of my first experience on this sofa. After a few minutes, Mark comes back and has a seat next to me.

     "What did he do?" he asks to start the conversation.

     "What?" I pause, trying to figure him out. "He just said we should wait." He doesn't need to know more than that. It's none of his business.

     "So you're still engaged?" Oh. He probably thought we broke up.

     "Yeah. Of course we are. We're just going to keep the original date. He thinks that if we got married today then..." It's none of Mark's business!

     "So it was HIS decision. I didn't take him for an idiot."

     "He's not being an idiot."

     "Hm. I guess you could see it like that. I mean, why change things when you're getting the milk for free, huh?" He smirks in a mean way.

     "You really are an asshole, you know that?" I could slap him right now.

     "Oh I'M the asshole? I'm not the jackass who's been dragging you along, trying to act all noble when really just an old prick snuggling up to someone young enough to be his daughter. Then dangle the carrot of marriage in front of you just to get some more."

     "You haven't got the first clue what you're talking about. Geoffrey isn't like that at all."

     He mimics me, "Geoffrey isn't like that at all!" He huffs. "Do you hear yourself? Maybe you need a camera on you recording this. You really ARE one HELL of an actress, Alice. No wonder you're almost method. You live in delusions you choose to believe."

     "Okay now I haven't got the first clue what you're talking about."

     "He is USING you! Don't you see that? What will it take to get you to see that?"

     "If anyone was using me, it was you."

     "No, Alice, I love you!" He clears his throat. "Loved you." He has the biggest 'oh shit' look on his face. Then he looks away.

     My mind is a complete blank with shock. I'd seriously thought the whole time Mark and I were together that it was pretty much just physical. It was for me. I mean, sure, he could be fun to be around, too, but I never felt we really connected. Maybe he's confused and doesn't know what love really is.

     He speaks, still looking away, "Do you have any idea what torture it is to work with you? I mean there you are, right in front of me. JARRED gets to touch you. JARRED gets to kiss you. Whenever I get to just be myself, all I can think of is that awful evening I walked out." He looks at his nails. "In my mind, we'd have been married by now. I certainly would never want to sit on my hands and wait. I wanted more than just living together. I wanted more than sex."

     Fine. I'll tell him. "Geoffrey and I haven't slept together."

     That brings him up short, and he spins around to look at me.

     I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. "What?" I finally ask.

     He acts as if he's choosing which thing to utter aloud. "The last thing I ever expected was to pity him."

     I scowl. "It wasn't MY decision." See? He's noble. And... sometimes annoyingly old-fashioned. I watch as a new picture continues to form in Mark's mind. "So your take on things is all wrong."

     "It would seem so."

     A huff slips out of me. "So, what I've been trying to get around to saying is that Geoffrey and I are NOT going on a honeymoon right now, so you don't need to keep Carlie for as long."

     His face falls. "You're taking her from me early?"

 

     "You still want to keep her for that long?"

     His eyes do something strange like I just announced that I was the shooter on the grassy knoll. "I never want her to leave." Are his eyes now saying he thinks the same about me? I can't handle that.

     "Oh." I ponder. "Well, I guess she can still stay the two weeks. I mean, that's what I'd told you would happen, and you'd planned for it and all." I look away. "Let me, um, go kiss her goodnight, and, um, go." I get up, trying to hold back the tears. I'm going to miss my baby so much!

     When I get back into the living room, Mark is standing there, seeing I'm almost in tears. "Alice, if you want-"

     "No. This was the agreement. I'll be okay." I wipe under my eye. "Just, uh, call me for whatever if you need to." I dash out the door.