Alicekai'd 1.11: Falling Apart

 

 

     I have a confidant. Someone knows. Someone believes me. And he's a scientist.

     There's hope for the first time since this whole debacle started. Geoffrey Landgraab is going to help me.

 

     He told me not to get my hopes up too high. Too late. Just the fact that he's going to try is huge. AND he has access to things that might actually work.

     "Thank you so much for doing this," I told him.

     "You need to also consider that you are indeed stuck here, so I advise coming up with a plan B. I'd hate to disappoint you, Alice."

 

      "Don't worry, Geoffrey. Just the fact that you're going to try means so much to me. I believe that if there's someone out there that can help me, it's you. You're my best friend."
      A pained look came across his face as he pulled me into a tight hug.

     "I'll do my best," he said quietly into my ear. Then he took in a breath and let go.

     It's all going to be okay! I sing happily in my head, waking up in the best mood ever.

     Geoffrey will make it work. I have to believe that. I make my bed, still grinning from ear to ear.

      It's a hot day, so I pull my hair back and put on some lighter clothing.

      When I enter the common room, I see Gerald. He makes me smile. I wonder if he's read my book yet. I decide to go ask.

       But upon seeing his expression, my step falters.

     "Well, if it isn't The Britechester Hussy herself."

      I gasp and take a step back. "What did you call me?"

     "Oh, come off it. You're plastered all over social media."

     "What?"

     "Yeah. A bunch of people have you posted carrying on inside a closet then coming out with it obvious what the two of you had done."

     OMG. I stand here mute while he continues.

     "This is bad for the university. We'll have paparazzi descending on us like locusts. Mark James will probably be fired. By the way, him? Really? I had you pegged differently. You're probably on the news!" 

     I move to walk past him, but he won't shut up.

     And why does he even care?
     "Where are you going?"

     I round on him, having had enough.

 

    "What's it to you? This is MY problem, so don't make it about you." I take a breath. "I highly doubt the paparazzi is going to bother with this. So what? So I went out and had a good time. I was drunk!"

     "What's it to me? I LIKED you, Alice! I was working up the courage to ask you out, but now, no thank you. I throw out trash, not date it."

      "Oh, well, gee, I'll cry into my pillow every night," I say sarcastically. He's nuts! "Again, this isn't any of your business. I don't care that you wanted to ask me out." Lie. This actually hurts because I did. But he's being so weird about it that I'm wondering about his sanity. It's like the world revolves around him or something. This isn't the first time I've wondered this. Just listening to him talking to people this term. It's all starting to fit together. 

     "Look, just stay away from me, okay?"

     I roll my eyes. "Oh, don't worry. That won't be a problem." It feels like he thinks we're breaking up when we never. went. out. Did he have some deranged relationship already going in his head?

      I dodged a bullet here.

      'Wrong types of men,' echoes in my mind.

      Shut up. Stupid love festival guru lady.

      Don shows up. Thrill.

 

     "Alice? Could I talk to you over there, please?" Don asks.

     Gerald gives me a weird superior kind of expression.

     "Yeah, sure," I reply to Don.

     Don whispers, "Is he okay?"

     I glare back at Gerald to see him giving Don the biggest 'eat shite' look in the world. "No. He's off his nut." I look at Don. "What did you want to talk about?" I have a feeling I know what it is.

     "First of all," he asks, "have you seen the internet this morning?"

     "No. I've only heard." Honestly, what is the big deal?

     "Well, I want you to know this has nothing to do with that."

     "Okay?" I ask.

     "I've started dating Dina." Figures. "And I want to see her exclusively."

     "So Dina won, huh?" I reply cryptically. The classic Nina-Don-Dina love triangle survives into Sims 4. I ignore his questioning expression. "Well, thank you for doing this in person."

     "You're okay?"

     I nod. "Yeah."

     Gerald grumbles something just out of earshot.

     "You want me to take care of him?" He jerks his head toward the maniac eavesdropping on us.

     "Nah. He's an imbecile." I smile. "I hope you're happy, Don. Truly."

     "Thank you. And don't worry. This will blow over." He means whatever it is out there on the internet.

     "Okay. Thanks."

     "See you later, Alice." He touches my cheek and then turns to walk away.

     What's happened? My day started out so good.

     I rush over to my laptop. Sure enough, I find what everyone's talking about very quickly. Several people took cell phone video of me being very loud in that closet. But the one that gets me...

     ...is the one Mark himself posted.

Where are you? 

 

     I texted Mark. He'd better answer. I could sue him for defamation.

     He replies, telling me he's at a gym. I tell him I'm on my way.

     When I arrive, he's standing there waiting for me.

     "Hey, baby. I've been meaning to call you, but work has me SO busy."

     That does it. My temper skyrockets to an eleven.

 

     "Oh, but you're not 'SO busy' that you don't have time to post that terrible video!?"

     "Whoa! Alice? What's wrong?" He seriously doesn't know?

     "How could you do that to me?"

 

     "What did I do? That was a GREAT video! We were having so much fun."

     Tears stream down my face. Wait. Mark didn't post any videos of us in the closet. They were all of us acting like idiots, but yeah, having fun. "Have you... Have you SEEN the other videos out there?"

     "What other videos? I told you; I've been busy with work. I uploaded MY video during... a 10-2."

     "A what?"

     "Bathroom break."

     I get out my phone and show him some other videos. "You seriously haven't seen any of these?"

     He lets out a stream of obscenities when he sees them. "Why has no one shown me this?"

     "Is that why..." He ponders something internally. Remembering I'm standing here, he says, "I'll get them taken down, Alice. I know people."

     A woman behind him is holding up her cell phone. "We're being recorded as we speak."

     "What!?" He turns and marches over to the woman. "Delete that, please. This is private."

     "We're on public property. I'm not deleting anything." She puts her phone in her back pocket. Then she turns and walks away.

      "Ugh!" He walks back over to me.

     "What were we thinking? Why did you talk me into that?" He means our romp in a public closet.

     "Me? It was your idea." Or was it? 

     "There's no point arguing that point." He takes a breath, his mind in overdrive. "Listen. I have to call my agent. I really like you, Alice, but... I think we should stay away from each other. At least for now."

     "Fine with me. Goodbye." I spin on my heel and walk away.

     "Alice!" I hear, but it gets fainter. Then there's another 'ugh!' sound. He doesn't follow after me.

 

     I don't know what to do. I'm falling apart. People are pointing at me and laughing. Looking down at my clothes, I see them in a new light, so I spin into another hot day outfit. 

     I don't want to go back to the dorms. Where do I go? What do I do?

     There might be one place... if he doesn't hate me now. 

     "I've had a terrible day..." I can't finish it, and I burst into tears.

Alicekai'd 1.10: Secrets

 

       The party still battles on inside the commons building, but I'm enjoying sitting here and watching the (fake) clouds roll by against the domed horizon.

      At least if I'm stuck in a game, it's Sims. It could be something like World of Warcraft.

     I hear the rustle of khaki pants to my right.

 

     "Alice!"

     I turn my head. "Geoffrey?"

      He stops, and I continue to gawk at him. "What are you doing out here?" I ask.

      Breathless, he replies, "I saw you walk out. Is everything okay?"

     A quick giggle escapes. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

     "Um... Well..." He shifts his weight from one foot to the next, trying to recover from hyperventilating it looks like. "I mean... Well, yesterday..." He exhales in a rush.

     "Sit down before you pass out, you goober." I gesture next to me.

     Another exhale. "Okay." He almost startles me with the speed with which he does it.

     "Geez, Geoff. I'm okay."

     "And I see that. Now. But try to understand where I'm coming from. You broke down yesterday, and it was unresolved. I lost sleep worrying." He still catches his breath.

     "Did you think I would try to drown myself in the creek?"

     "No. Well, not really. I thought maybe the crowd had gotten to you." He takes a deep breath. "Nancy was always very good at hiding it when she'd get upset. However, being in a crowd gets taxing with trying to keep up the facade."

      "Well, I WAS kinda tired. I cried myself to sleep last night. I..." My face falls.

     "I'm freaking out, and I don't know how to handle it." I HAVE to tell him.

     He shifts so that his whole torso faces me. "What's wrong, Alice? Talk to me."

     "You're going to think I'm crazy."

     "No, I won't. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye."

     If I weren't emotionally crashing, I'd crack up laughing with what he just said. "Geoff, you have to swear to tell no one. This is earth-shattering."

     "I swear it. Alice, PLEASE, let me help."

     "I'm not from this world."

     "Uh..."

     "I'm not an alien, if that's what you're thinking."

     "Well then, what?"

     "This world, the one you're living in right now, is a simulation." I let that sink in. "And I'm from the real world." I briefly wonder if telling a sim that will break the code and all this will end.

     It doesn't happen.

     I watch him, and I see it. He's wondering if I'm insane. "I'm perfectly serious. I woke up one morning here, and ever since, I've been trying to figure out how to get back. In the meantime, I've been making an attempt at a normal life."

     He leans forward, an unreadable expression on his face.

     "You think I'm crazy." I leave the statement hanging in the air, and there it rests about our heads like smoke around the top of a volcano. He keeps staring forward.

     I should've known this would happen. I shouldn't have told him. The man who quickly became my best friend and then confidant is going to drop me like a bad habit because he thinks I'm four cards short of a full deck.

     Finally, he speaks quietly, "Those bastards were right."

     It's my turn to be confused. "Uh, what?"

     "At the office. And they claimed to have proof. I couldn't debunk them, but I still didn't believe it." He laughs quickly. "Others have said they figured it out and could prove it, but we let them look like conspiracy theorists, fringe science."

     "At the office?"

     He turns to look at me with a small smile. "I work for S.I.M.S., Alice."

     "You said you were an accountant." I pause. "Shit." I just told someone in GOVERNMENT all that.

     I quickly turn, intending to make a mad dash for it, but he grabs my arm. "Hold it."

     "No! You're going to try to lock me up in some compound somewhere and study me!"

     "Don't be ridiculous. What would we study? You're a normal person here." Since I'm still struggling, he says, "Alice, cool it. Besides, I swore I wouldn't tell anyone, remember?" He pulls on my arm. "You can trust me."

     Oh, what does it matter? I'm doomed. Where would I hide anyway?

     "You... believe me?"

     "Yes, I do. I..." He clears his throat. "I can usually tell if someone's lying."

     "You're a secret agent?"

     He chuckles. "It's not as glamorous as all that. I'm in research and development." He pauses, "But Alice, seriously, I'm an accountant, understand?" He kind of looks like he's thinking 'there, we're even in telling secrets.'

     I squint my eyes. "I think my secret's bigger than yours."

     He backs his head up and smirks, "Well, I didn't think we were comparing sizes."

     I crack up laughing.

 

     He gives me an enigmatic smile now. "I knew there was something about you." His stare is like I'm an interesting specimen... but not in a science-y way. It's odd.

     "Of all the people for me to tell..." I pause. "Can you... help me?"

     "Well, I can damn well try."

Alicekai'd 1.9: Advice

      Geoffrey does come to visit me later. I'm a little surprised it's only a few hours later. He must really want to check up on me.

     "I can't believe you're already here," I tell him when we hug hello--something that feels like a habit now. He's becoming my best friend. I'd say he's like my dad, but... not.

     I suddenly imagine myself marrying Malcolm and having Geoffrey as my father-in-law. No, that's weird. Besides, married? Hopefully, I won't stay that long. ... But I'd have to admit I'd miss Geoff if I happen to find a way out.

     "Of course I am," he responds. "I said I would, didn't I?"

     "Yeah, but I understand people have lives of their own." I look down sheepishly.

     His shoulders slump suddenly for some reason. In a smaller voice, he repeats, "I said I would."

     "Okay." I smile. He doesn't return it.

     "I know I didn't show it earlier, but I'm starting to worry about you, Alice."

     "I'm okay, Geoff. He didn't hurt me. I just feel stupid and needed someone to talk to."

 

     "I don't think you catch my meaning." He takes a breath, puts his hand on his forehead for a minute in quiet contemplation, and then continues, "Forgive me for assuming I have any right to say things like this, but-"

     "Go ahead." I brace myself.

     "Well, first Don Lothario, then a complete stranger. Is the stranger just a rebound, revenge against Don for hurting you?"

     Oh boy.

     "No, it's not like that," I reply. Then I launch into an explanation. "I'm not really thinking about it. I wanted to date Don, but I knew going in that it probably wouldn't be serious." Whoops. I hope he doesn't ask how I just knew that right off. "I don't think I wanted serious anyway. But then, we were dating and stuff. I thought, yeah, maybe it could be serious. Then, well, you know he didn't want that. Then, we still date, but it's kinda weird now. Last night, I thought Mark was cute and nice." I look up at Geoff's judging face. "He was! I could've said no, but I didn't." I'm glad the main hall is deserted right now.

     "And why didn't you?" His expression breaks my heart.

     I take a deep breath. "Well, that's the million dollar question, isn't it?" I could tell him how I'm going through something right now, but I don't know how. How do I tell my new best friend that I'm freaking out that I might be stuck forever in this simulated world? That I don't know how to handle it?

     "This isn't healthy, Alice. I know I can't tell you how to live your life and don't really want to. I just wish you'd slow down."

      "Um, slow down?" My heart rate increases. What the hell does he mean by that? My emotional state starts swinging around violently. I'm not sure how I'm going to react to whatever Geoff says next. I hope it's not by screaming at him. Since I've been leery of making any real friends, he's the only one I have to talk to.

      "This kind of lifestyle you're starting to live isn't you. Don't ask me how I know that. It's just a gut feeling. Maybe it's that I'm HOPING it isn't you, but I don't think that's all."

      A tear escapes my eye because I know he's right. How does he know? I hide my face.

      He continues, "That's what I really wanted to tell you earlier." He watches me for a moment. "Is something bothering you, other than what happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

      I shake my head no. "Not right now. Not until I have some time to think." I'm going to have to tell SOMEONE sometime. "Thank you, Geoffrey, for offering. Right now, I think I need to be alone."

      He nods, and we hug again. "Call me anytime, understand."

      I nod.

      Alone in my room, however, all I do is cry until I fall asleep.

      The next morning, I decide to keep going, trying to deal with this reality. I start writing a sequel to my werewolf novel. It's escapism, I know, but it calms me down. If I create a world, I have control.

      In the evening, the commons area hosts a mixer.

     My mood picks up much more when I start making a new friend. Her name is Yui, and she's in the literature department. She's already got her degree, and she works as a professor's assistant. It turns out she has a lot of friends, and she starts introducing me around. Sure, I'd SEEN most of these people before, but I've not really gone out of my way to meet any of them. Maybe that's part of my problem. I'm looking for connections in the wrong ways.

      I am NOT going to agree with the mean love guru lady. This is different.

 

     I'm having the best time! Yui and I start teasing the Foxbury mascot, egged on by the Britechester one. It's hilarious. The crabby mascot doesn't look like he likes it, though.

     He's kinda cute. Maybe I could make it up to him...

     Stop it, Alice. I take a deep breath. Wait. Is that...? 

     Geoffrey's here?

     He sees me too. Before I turn to go towards him, I notice Yui start flirting with the Foxbury mascot. Guess she's going to take care of making him feel better.

     I simply must tease Geoffrey. "I thought you said you felt like you didn't relate to the college crowd?" I grin to let him know I'm teasing him.

      He smiles. "Hi to you too, Alice." Then his grin turns sheepish. "Yeah. I know what I said, but Eric here," he gestures to the man behind him, "is a work colleague of mine, and he insisted I get out to... uh... meet people." Then he leans in and says much more quietly, "Honestly, the guy is driving me nuts. He insists that I need to start dating again."

     I smile. "He's trying to help."

     Geoffrey introduces me to his friend, a history major.

     "VERY nice to meet you, Alice," he says dramatically as he shakes my hand, turning to look at Geoffrey with a wide grin on his face. Whatever expression he makes to my best friend makes him blush.

      Geoffrey coughs and ruffles the back of his hair, and Eric pointedly starts talking and waving to someone across the room.

     "Well, maybe you should take his advice." I smirk.

     Another blush. "Heh heh. Yeah. Maybe." I turn around and see a lady. Then I turn back to Geoffrey and grin before walking away.

     Eric starts dancing with the Britechester mascot, being obnoxious about it.

     He's funny about it too, and I'm happy Geoffrey has a friend like him.

     Geoffrey walks over to the other side of the room, but he's not doing anything. He's just looking at his phone and nervously rubbing his face. Occasionally, he glances over at me. I give him a 'what are you doing? Talk to her!' look.

     Then, by some miracle, she turns to him and starts up a conversation.

     Good. Geoffrey needs to be happy. Maybe not with her, but someone. At least he's trying.

     With a light heart--and a light head--I decide I need a little fresh air. And maybe if I leave he'll stop glancing over at me watching him. 

     I take deep breaths of lovely spring air. I'm deciding to be happy right now. It takes some effort since just worrying about getting back to the real world is always in the back of my mind. For RIGHT NOW, I'm okay. I'll be okay, whatever happens.