Alicekai'd 1.8: What If?

      Ugh. My head is killing me. I roll over and go back to sleep. I'm sore, but I can't remember why.

     When I have to wake up for real, I decide to buckle down and get my homework done. The nearest available space is in the next dorm room over.

     I can't really concentrate. Flashes, memories, of last night keep hitting me.

 

     That guy. Mark. That was his name. He said he was an actor. Small roles, but recurring, mostly on a soap opera called All My Sims. He was SO DREAMY. He asked me out. We went to a club.

     I'd had a few drinks. ... Okay, more than a few, judging from how my head feels this morning.
 

     I was happy. What the love guru lady said to me still stings. 'Wrong sorts of men' indeed. Who cares? This isn't real. Sure, I'm trying to live like it matters just in case I'm stuck here for good, but in the end, it DOESN'T matter. And he was gorgeous. A soap star. So hot.

 

     And he kept saying I was hot. Me. He eventually had his hands all over me. He wasn't a great kisser, though. Kinda sloppy. But I didn't care.

     I didn't.

     Oh no. I gasp. I slept with him. Well, not sleeping. No, that wasn't sleeping. Once that closet door closed, he was really all over me. He was rough.

     And I liked it. And everyone outside the closet could tell.

      A small tear runs down my cheek. That's not me. That's not me. What is WRONG with me?

      I'm stuck in a game world with no apparent way to escape, and I'm rebelling in the worst way possible. It's as if life has no consequences. I wanted him, so I had him.

      Sometimes, when I would play an MMO, I would pretend I was the bad guy. In real life, I'd NEVER be like that. It was like I was using a game to live a different way for an hour or so. Then, I'd come back to real life, and things would be good again. I don't really enjoy being the bad guy all the time.

     Only now, I can't find my way back to real life. And last night, it was like I truly was someone else.

     I close my homework and go to my laptop. There HAS to be a way! 

     I find a kind of bulletin board. Quaint. But people post on it about strange things they notice in the world. There are links to videos on SimTube (...really? SimTube?) saying stuff like 'life is a simulation' and 'millions of parallel universes exist and here's the proof.' But there is no one who will give any definitive answers. Oh, there are wormhole theories, but that's practically impossible for me.

     A bleep makes me almost jump out of my skin. Someone IM'ed me. It's Geoffrey.

 Hi there! I'm surprised to see you on so early. Thought I'd say hi. 

     I look at the screen. 

I did something really stupid last night, and I don't know what to do now. 

     I decided to reach out. He can't help me with my real problem, but perhaps he can help with the crazy way I'm handling it.

     He asks what I did, and I fill him in.

      I tell him I don't know what makes me behave like that. (I do, but I can't tell him. He'll think I'm nuts.)

 

We've all done crazy things in our lives. The important thing is that you didn't get hurt. 

 

     A terrible thought crosses my mind.

 

I don't think we used protection. 

 

 

     OMG. I really hope STD's aren't a thing here. But worse... what if I'm pregnant? I have no idea if any mods are installed with whoever is in charge. Please no. Please no. 

     Geoffrey responded with some typical stuff like I should get a test, but I'm not sure exactly which test he means. This is Sims. I could get a positive pregnancy result right now. ... and have a baby in three days. I tell him to hold on a minute.

     Fifteen simoleons well spent.

     No magic confetti. It's negative. I'm so relieved that I start crying.

 

     Back at my desk, I tell Geoffrey.

 

     He asks to meet me somewhere so that we can talk face-to-face. I tell him I have class, but we agree to meet at a cafe afterwards.

     I don't do so great during class, but at least I'd finished my homework before my downward spiral could really take effect.

 

    Finally in front of the cafe, I'm so happy to see Geoff that I throw my arms around my friend. At first, he's surprised but then hugs me back.

     "I've really had a shit morning," I tell him, crying into his shoulder.

     "It'll be okay. The important thing is that you're still standing."

     I pull back. "Why wouldn't I be?"

     His face clouds over. "Let's not go there."

     "Oh." I think I can figure it out. Yeah, all that did occur to me, but I don't think that guy, Mark, would've really hurt me. He was actually pretty nice. I could've said no, and that would've been okay. What's upset me is that I didn't even think to.

 

     "I thought you were seeing Don Lothario," he states as a question.

     "Well, yeah, but," I feel my cheeks get pink, "well, it's Don."

     I continue, "He has commitment issues, so we decided to also see other people."

     "And you didn't mind that," he also states instead of asks.

     "It's... complicated." Why do people always say that? "I thought he'd actually broken up with me the night of that party, the night I met you. I honestly still don't get it, what he was trying to say. All I could get out of him was that he was feeling 'inadequate,' which is nuts." Wait. Was Don trying to say he wasn't good enough for me? That's crazy.

     Geoffrey stares at me for a while without saying anything. I'm dying to know what he's thinking. "I think I understand."

     My head backs up. "Well, that makes one of us."

     He smiles a half-smile and says, "Lets go inside and have a seat, and I'll try to explain."

     I shrug. "Okay."

     Once we're seated, he asks me to tell him why I'm dating Don in the first place. I can't tell him it's because he was one of my favorite sims.

 

     "It's simple: I'm attracted to him."

     "Is that it?" His eyebrows raise in a combination of concern and confusion.

     "Um, well, yeah. Wouldn't I have to be? Otherwise, what's the point?" I decide to turn it around on him. "Why did you marry Nancy?"

     He starts in surprise. Then he laughs.

     "Okay, point made. I thought she was beautiful from the moment I met her, but I didn't ask her out until I got to know her a little."

      He thinks I'm shallow! Well, I suppose judging by my actions, I am. "Do you miss her?" I remember back to when I first got here how I'd read that she'd died--and right after they'd adopted another child.

      "Every day." His smile drops off his face. "But I also know that if she saw me moping around all the time, she'd be livid and chew me out." His lips quirk in an almost-smile now. "I decided to try and get out to meet people, which is how I wound up at that college party. I'd had no idea really what I was doing there as I couldn't relate to anyone, and when they all left to watch some show I wasn't interested in on television, I thought I'd just leave. But then I noticed someone sitting by herself and looking kind of down."

     I smile back. "I WAS feeling down, and I'm glad you came over to make me laugh." I'm about to say more, but my phone beeps.

Hey. I locked my keys in the dorm room. Could you swing by and unlock the door? I can't find the RA. 

 

     You can never find the resident assistant when you need him. I look up at Geoffrey. "I gotta go. My roommate locked herself out." 

     He nods. "Okay. I need to pick up my kid at school in a little while anyway." After a pause, he asks, "Could I come by and check on you later?" His eyebrows scrunch up.

     "Sure."